funny how mind works

Phew!! This is my first attempt at blogging. Don’t usually do much of writing. But to everything there is a first time, for egs this is the first time I am sitting at home doing absolutely nothing for nearly 4 months in a row. Sigh!!! for 4 long months I have been nothing but a burden for earth doing nothing worthwhile, no responsibilities, no dead lines nothing. Simply walking up and down the hall, going online, again walk here and there, eat and sleep. These were all I could manage to do all these days. But the situation is actually not all that bad, time is a funny thing you can never understand it. At times when u want it go slow it jus flies past whiz!!!...and at times when u want it to pass by faster it purposely slows down to the point of driving u insane. I have seen it all. I should say I have experienced a lot during these 4 long months, Boredom, Excitement, Depression, lots of Looking forward to’s and much much more…But I should say that no emotion even comes close to the strong mixture of emotions which whelms inside and totally takes me over the moment my mind decides to take a walk down the memory lane into my college days. I really can’t explain what I feel at that moment, it is undecipherable, all I can say is that those were truly great days, and it does cause a fair bit of pain thinking back.

July 12^th,2005 I am seeing Coimbatore for the first time. Infact seeing Tamil Nadu only for the second time, the first time being a visit to my new college only, which was in peak summer a few fortnights back .But this time conditions were totally different.The cool climate, cloudy skies, what was actually beautiful cloud covered green Ghat peaks looked neither beautiful nor attractive to me. The sultry, humid, dark atmosphere added to the pain I was having in leaving my parents and staying away from home for the first time. But never even in the wildest of my imagination did I think of it to be one of the best phase in my life. First year had begun and I was adjusting with hostel life more than fine except for the food.I started making friends, Started bending rules here and there, running around the hostel late in the night, long chats together, getting caught for silly things like jumping gates, making noise…haha.It was all truly memorable, seriously, no regrets at all.

It is unimaginable how actions or even things of least importance in those times bring back oceans of memories today. Things like lashing of a wet handkerchief, punch gusti, song yeh jo desh hai tera(Swades),ITC telephone cards, a white nokia 7610 all make my heart so laden with memories that it actually begins to feel so heavy. All of a sudden todays bright sunny day outside turns out to be very gloomy to me. With not a single soul to talk to at home I actually become a victim to a predator called loneliness. Loneliness is actually good if u wanted it, but loneliness thrust upon u forcefully is like literally killing u cell by cell. This loneliness combined with nostalgia is one of the deadliest combinations I have known which all the more makes me want to spend more and more time online hoping to find someone to talk to.

As time passed by in college, the trips back home were less awaited and once at home, was more eager to get back to my other home, the hostel. Time began to fly by faster and faster. With the arrival of laptops each one of us became less social and began to stay locked up in our rooms watching movies, serials or playing. Group discussions,chats were lesser in number. The only thing we were successfully doing socially was playing games on LAN. It was disheartening. But whatever said and done life in college was making a quick dash to the finish line, the final year had already started. For me till then no phase was as good as first year, but then along came the rocking final sem based on the theme socialising. Most of my close friends were different from what I had in the beginning except for a very few. Every bit of final sem is worth remembering starting with the idea of socializing with late night tea which even though was an utter failure created a buzz among us that laptops, movies, games were not everything. We began trippin. The ekm trip, Manarkad trip, Goatrip, Wayanad trip…each second of all these were truly memorable. The long hours of cricket in the mornings, very few hours of classess. It was cool and I don't think there was anyone else in college who could beat us in a slow walk race.

All of a sudden it was the end of four short wonderful years. With swollen eyes about to fill with tears bade goodbye to everyone on may 22, 2009.Don't even have a clue as to when I will get to see some of my friends again,but that is how it goes.Life in amritha is now just a collection of photos and a bunch of memories even the thought of which hurts me. Life has taught me how even the happiest of memories can hurt you more than the some of the most depressing thoughts. It is funny how the human psychology works.